I put in a offer on a house to own. Then it hit can this even be paid for?? Oh top of this Im sick, and the guy I like is being weird. Am I not some teen drama story?? Come on we both know I could make millions on this.
But anyways, house is not going to happen now, because life hit. I live in a small no named town in Colorado, where before you can blink a house is bought. So putting in a offer on something we liked is not super crazy, but forgetting we still have to eat is just stupid. But we will move on continue to pay for what we have and hopefully everything will start to look up. Im going to miss that huge sunroom with windows all on one wall. My plants would have loved it, as would my animals all four of them.
I currently have a bf of ten years, who is wanting more. Im assumeing a more poly relationship, seems like a lot of work if we are being honest. But a guy who I fell for back in college has come back around. Its been fun, he likes to baby me and say sweet things. Which is something Im currently lacking. Plus the Sex is amazing haha. But I come with a lot of baggage like the kind not worth taking a chance on. I can understand that, well today he finally got that too. So we are in the limbo of " what if " yeah I hate it. I tried to tell him it would come to this he would see im a mess and want more. But it will hurts I wont lie. I was stupid for thinking I could have more and be happy, nah you dumb blonde cactus say in your patch of soil.
One day we will more to larger pot but after we know what we want from life okay?
Yeah that’s me. Pretty, Alive & Pokey on the outside. Then when you touch me I squish and die as soon as I open up. The best way I could ever use to describe me. Its been forever since I have sat down and wrote to myself. The kind of writing where you can say what you want or how your feeeling. Im now 32 with a 7 year old son who is my EVERYTHING, I will never love anyone as honest and pure of this little human. He tests me every second of every day but he is worth it. He is so full of life, everything I wish I was to be honest. Outgoing, brave, funny, caring, loving, and just overall amazing human in such a small little body. With the good I think of the bad still though, am I enough for him?? Am I doing what is best for him?? Will he continue to grow into a man who will be loved and be able to love another?? Its hard being a mama, It scares me as he grows more and more everything year. But I have faith it will be okay. Well at least I pray it will be.
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